


I'm Rubber, You're Glue

by msraven



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bad Impressions, Established Relationship, Insulting Language, M/M, Smart!Clint, protective!Phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-20
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-02-21 23:43:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2486660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msraven/pseuds/msraven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint doesn't always make the best first impressions. Phil has never felt the need to defend Clint, preferring to let his actions silence even the most skeptical detractors. There is no reason for today to be any different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Rubber, You're Glue

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks, as always, to kultiras for the quick read through.

Phil has known Clint Barton a long time. He understands—having fallen into the same trap himself once upon a time—that it's sometimes difficult to take Clint seriously. It's not that he has two personalities, it's that his actual personality makes it difficult to see the competent SHIELD agent underneath. 

Clint is mouthy and snarky and generally doesn't give a rat's ass about picking the correct words before he says them. He doesn't purposely sell a persona of an uneducated carnie hick with good aim, but he also doesn't take the trouble to correct people's false assumptions. Clint will even tell you that it's true, he was born in the Midwest, grew up in the circus, and hasn't gone to school since the third grade. 

What is also true is that Clint's IQ qualifies him for Mensa and that Neil deGrasse Tyson has him on speed dial. Clint's natural intellect, his lack of a structured education, and his unorthodox upbringing gives him the ability to approach problems at different angles than most, a trait that both SHIELD and his astrophysicist friend find invaluable. Clint has an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and has taken every training program SHIELD has, from Infectious Diseases to Helicopter Maintenance—more than enough to fulfill multiple degrees had he studied in a university. His skills aren't genetic or artificial. Clint's marksmanship is a result of endless hours of practice and continued vigilance, a work ethic that holds true across all aspects of his life. By the time a mission brief occurs, Clint has usually had several days to memorize details, circle back with the analysts on multiple backup plans, and begin reviewing data on the following op. 

Even if one were to look only at what is common knowledge, Clint is a high ranking agent of SHIELD—just below senior staff—whereas single skill specialists never advance beyond Level Four. He sits within Fury's circle of advisors and is the only agent Hill requires on every op she runs in the field. The analysts and engineers down in R&D all clamor for his attention and he is a long-standing member of Coulson's highly decorated Strike Team Delta. Beyond all of that, Clint's partner and best friend is the Black Widow, who is not known to suffer fools kindly. 

Phil has now worked with Hawkeye for eight years, considered Barton a friend for at least seven of those years, and has been sleeping with Clint for just over five months. It amazes and perplexes him that new agents continue to underestimate Clint. He has heard Clint called everything from an amusing pet, a charity case, and much worse. Clint never lets the agents' short-sighted assumptions bother him and their misconceptions rarely last longer than their first op with Hawkeye. Phil has never felt the need to defend Clint, preferring to let his actions silence even the most skeptical detractors. There is no reason for today to be any different. 

"I just don't understand why they keep someone that dim witted around. Hawkeye spent the whole briefing staring off into space."

"He was probably daydreaming about new arrows."

"Ha! I bet he can't even spell the word arrow."

"All that guy has to offer is his aim and his good looks."

"Maybe the rumors are true and he _services_ all of the senior staff, if you know what I mean."

Phil's metal tray drops into the table with a loud clatter, startling the two junior agents and drawing the attention of a few nearby tables. 

"Agents Frank, Chen," Phil greets icily. "Are you aware that slandering a fellow agent is not tolerated within SHIELD? You are both at risk for disciplinary action should your comments be proven unfounded."

The two junior agents gape at Phil and he knows his smile is predatory when he continues.

"Agent Chen, since you took such exception to Agent Barton's inattention during the briefing, I assume you'll be able to relay the information he did not absorb. For instance, can you tell me the exact number of agents taking part in the op?"

"Um… I believe eleven, sir."

Phil smiles, straightens, and holds up a hand to hail Clint as he enters the mess. "Agent Barton, if I could have a moment of your time?"

"Sure, Coulson. I always have a moment for you," Clint responds with a wink.

"Which I appreciate. You're headed out on an op with Hill tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Wheels roll at 05:30. Why? You feel like getting up at the asscrack of dawn and joining us?"

"No thank you," Phil declines with a slight shake of his head. He can see the question in Clint's eyes, but knows he'll follow along without challenging Phil's motives. "I was just curious how many personnel are involved in the op?"

"Fourteen on the ground, including the drivers and backup that will be staying with the vehicles throughout the op. Was fifteen, but Perkins won't let me take Burns. Says I can't keep turning his analysts into field agents. Then there's the eight up in air support and the six on rotation here at command. Need a count of the med team on call too?"

"That won't be necessary, thank you. However, two helicopters for air support seems a little excessive, even for Maria."

"D'you forget, sir? Joint training exercise with the Air Force. They got delayed due bad weather, but I'm supposed to meet with Colonel Richards and her co-pilot in..." Clint looks at his watch and sighs, shooting a look of longing at the food behind the counter before turning back to Phil. "Five minutes. Any chance you've got a protein bar in your pocket?"

"Unfortunately, no. But if they've only just arrived, Colonel Richards may be happy to meet with you over dinner?"

"You've always got the best ideas, sir. Was there anything else you needed me for?"

"Just one more thing. I hear you've been participating in orgies with the senior staff. Any truth to that?"

There are several choked-off gasps, telling Phil that most of the agents in the room are listening in on the conversation. Clint blinks and then laughs, his face lighting up in a way that never ceases to have warmth blooming in Phil's chest. 

"None, sir. But can I be the one to tell Deputy Director Hill? You know how she loves being the fodder for rumors."

Phil imagines he can hear the sound of Chen and Frank's balls retracting into their bodies in fear. 

"I will leave that to your discretion."

"Awesome. And before you ask, sir, I am currently in a monogamous relationship with a single individual, which leaves me _very_ satisfied."

"That's good to know," Phil says, fighting a smile. "Is this relationship meant to be a secret?"

"Considering that it took me six years to convince you to go out with me, no, I'd prefer it not be a secret, Phil."

"Agreed, though I think you may be exaggerating a bit."

"Nuh-uh. I've got Nat to back me up. Says she's scarred for life after listening to me pine for six years."

Phil finally lets his smile surface. "Then far be it for me to argue with the Black Widow. Will you be coming home with me tonight?"

"Nah. I'll stay here. No use in both of us being up at an ungodly hour."

"I wouldn't mind, but I'll see you when you get back."

Clint gives Phil a jaunty salute before walking out of the mess in search of his Air Force counterparts. Phil watches him go and then turns back to the two junior agents. They both gulp nervously as the smile slides off Phil's face. 

"Speaking as a senior agent, I think you can be allowed a warning in this instance. Assuming you've learned not to let rumors cloud your judgement?"

"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir," Chen and Frank respond in unison. 

Phil nods and lets them visibly relax before leaning forward across the table, menace dripping from his voice. "As someone who is personally invested in Agent Barton's happiness, I take serious exception to what I've overheard." Both agents' eyes go wide and Phil makes sure he can be heard by more than the two scared men. "If I ever hear you slandering Agent Barton again, there will be consequences. I will make you wish I had left you for the Black Widow. Do I make myself clear?"

"Y-yes, sir, Agent Coulson."

"Good. Now if you'll excuse me, it appears that I am the one late for a meeting with the Director."

Phil walks out without a backward glance, but can't quite ignore the murmur of approval that follows him.

  
~^~  
  


When Phil arrives in his office the next day, he finds Natasha sitting serenely on his couch, the smile on her face too knowing to be innocent.

"Natasha," Phil greets as he takes a seat behind his desk.

"That was quite a display in the mess yesterday."

"I thought you were in Berlin yesterday?"

Natasha shrugs a graceful shoulder. "This is an observation and not a criticism, but I was just curious. You've never defended Clint before. Why yesterday?"

"I honestly couldn't tell you." Phil hasn't taken much time to analyze his uncharacteristic outburst.

"Really? It's not the first time some idiot's decided to mouth off about Clint."

"I'm aware of that."

"Not the worst thing that's been said about him either."

"Unfortunate, but true."

"Then why now?"

Phil fights a groan of frustration. "I don't know! I didn't think I'd need to justify my taking exception to someone insulting the man I lo—" _Oh._

"I thought so." 

Natasha laughs and gets up to leave, Phil too stunned by his epiphany to do anything but gape after her. She pauses at the door with another knowing smile.

"Did you hear about what happened to Ramirez's quarters?"

"N-no. I haven't."

"Someone filled it floor-to-ceiling with that new long lasting fire retardant foam R&D's been working on. Apparently, he was in the shower when it happened and nobody noticed him missing. It took him hours to dig his way through to the hallway. Ramirez won't say whether he knows who did it, but he's been jumpy ever since. Keeps looking up at the rafters and flinching at every shadow. Interesting, isn't it?"

"Yes. Very interesting. Thank you Natasha."

  
~^~  
  


It's mid-afternoon when Phil gets the notification about Hill's successfully completed mission. The team is already on their way back to base, giving Phil enough of a head start for dinner to be almost ready by the time he hears the front door open and the unmistakable sound of Clint kicking off his boots by the door. Strong arms wrap around him from behind a minute later as Phil finishes stirring the egg noodles into the pan.

Clint kisses Phil's cheek and then props his chin on his shoulder. "Mmm. Beef stroganoff. My favorite."

"It's why I made it. Welcome home."

Clint gives Phil a squeeze before stepping away to set the table. The domesticity isn't lost on Phil and the small flame Natasha had lit flares until Phil feels like his heart will burst.

"You okay, Phil?"

Phil realizes that he's been caught staring and shakes his head. "I'm fine, great. Sit down."

Clint sits, still looking at Phil in concern as he walks over and puts generous servings of dinner on their plates. They go through an informal debrief as they eat, a habit they've never been able to break after all their years of working together. Phil, in turn, shares what he knows about Natasha's time in Berlin and the impact it may have on their upcoming mission schedules. They clear the dishes and Phil prods Clint into the living room with tea as he leaves the dishes to soak.

"So…" Clint says as Phil joins him on the couch. "Chen is actually a pretty good field agent. Or will be with more experience."

"I haven't worked with him, but I trust your judgement."

"Whatever you said really freaked him out. It didn't look like he slept much before the op."

Phil only hums noncommittally in response. He feels no remorse in doing or saying what he did.

"I don't think the kid meant anything by it, Phil."

"Then he would have been smarter to keep his opinions to himself."

Clint blinks in surprise at Phil's vehement reply. "Okay… As hot as it is to see you get all riled up, you really don't have to stick up for me."

"I know that."

"You can't stop all the rumors and there as many about you and Nat as there are about me. They're usually harmless."

"I know that too."

"And if you hear someone else talking smack about me, you'll…?"

"Politely and succinctly correct them while outlining the various ways I can permanently cause them injury."

Clint shakes his head incredulously, but doesn't ask Phil to stop. "Why?" he asks instead.

"For much the same reason why you threatened and sealed Ramirez in his quarters for calling me a glorified accountant."

"Oh. _Oh..._ " Clint smiles, eyes going soft and fond as he leans over to give Phil a lingering kiss. "I love you too, Phil."

  
~^~  
  


Phil and Clint have known one another a long time. They each consider the other to be the best that SHIELD has to offer and have spent years learning to accept and love the other's shortcomings and idiosyncrasies. They understand that people who only look at the surface can mistake them as nothing more than a mouthy archer and a bureaucratic paper pusher. That doesn't mean that either of them will allow the other to be slighted or treated with disrespect.

If you're foolish enough to insult one of them, beware. Even if Clint or Phil don't get to you first, Natasha is usually around corner.

  
~ _fin_ ~  



End file.
